Thinking About Relationships: Patterns of Relating
Are you aware of the “pattern of relating” used by various relationships in your life and based on this pattern,which “mode of persuasion” shall be used to interact?
Identifying the relationship model that the other person is using is important so that you can respond with the correct model accordingly.
Beware of using another model unless you deliberately want to cause confusion. Otherwise use the rules and values of the model that the other person is using.
1) There are four common patterns of relating based on the Rules & Values of how the people interact.
2) This implies three modes of persuasion in relationships: authority, exchange and appeal.
Some relationship is defined by how people live together in a trusting relationship whereby they share many things, considering them as 'ours' rather than 'mine'.
Fairness is important in such groups and appealing to values may be the best way to persuade. Conflict may be dealt with through mediation and others methods that seek agreement from all.
Example
Romantic couples, Kin groups
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The social groups and organizations in which we live are often arranged with a hierarchy of power. It starts with parent and child and then progresses to schools, workplaces and other groupings.
Whilst communal sharing groups are based on trust and fair play, authority relationships are based on command and control where the inferior person has little option but to obey the superior person.
Example
Teacher and pupil, Officer and soldier
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In equality relationships there is no authority between people nor is there the deeper responsibility towards one another as in the communal sharing model.
Equality matched relationships generally collaborate around shared goals and help one another on the basis of appeals and a loose exchange of favors.
Example
Work peers, Sports team mates
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In the market pricing model, the relationship is based around a transaction, where the parties exchange substantive items, often with money being a part of the transaction.
Such relationships may be shorter than others and more formal, even with an explicit or implied contract to formalize the exchange.
Example
Buyer and seller, landlord and tenant
Identifying the relationship model that the other person is using is important so that you can respond with the correct model accordingly.
Beware of using another model unless you deliberately want to cause confusion. Otherwise use the rules and values of the model that the other person is using.
According to Fiske (1993),
1) There are four common patterns of relating based on the Rules & Values of how the people interact.
2) This implies three modes of persuasion in relationships: authority, exchange and appeal.
Four Patterns of Relating:
Communal sharing
Some relationship is defined by how people live together in a trusting relationship whereby they share many things, considering them as 'ours' rather than 'mine'.
Fairness is important in such groups and appealing to values may be the best way to persuade. Conflict may be dealt with through mediation and others methods that seek agreement from all.
Example
Romantic couples, Kin groups
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Authority ranking
The social groups and organizations in which we live are often arranged with a hierarchy of power. It starts with parent and child and then progresses to schools, workplaces and other groupings.
Whilst communal sharing groups are based on trust and fair play, authority relationships are based on command and control where the inferior person has little option but to obey the superior person.
Example
Teacher and pupil, Officer and soldier
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Equality matching
In equality relationships there is no authority between people nor is there the deeper responsibility towards one another as in the communal sharing model.
Equality matched relationships generally collaborate around shared goals and help one another on the basis of appeals and a loose exchange of favors.
Example
Work peers, Sports team mates
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Market pricing
In the market pricing model, the relationship is based around a transaction, where the parties exchange substantive items, often with money being a part of the transaction.
Such relationships may be shorter than others and more formal, even with an explicit or implied contract to formalize the exchange.
Example
Buyer and seller, landlord and tenant
posted by ssmz at 6:13 PM
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